Hidden Pugmarks

What do you do when work loses it’s appeal? You know, that point where it actually becomes work; and not fun?

I have worked some soul sucking jobs during my life. I would even go so far as to say soul crushing. Yet, when I look back at those days I remember them with a fond disassosciation. The bonds that were forged back then were lifelong.

However, even during those soul crushing times there were things to look forward to. The work was interesting. I even developed a bit of a love hate relationship with the sports of Cricket and Rugby. The games we turned out even had some aspects to them which were actually fun.

After I finally got out of there I vowed not to work like that ever again. That work would be fun, and if not fun at least challening and rewarding. I promised myself that I wouldn’t wake up every day thinking ‘Fuck. Do I really have to go?’

Work is starting to get that way again. I don’t care about the product I’m working on at all. I can’t even refer to it as being a game without uncontrollable spasms of horror. It can’t even really be classified as entertainment.

If I wanted to just make software, I wouldn’t choose to do it at a game company. Plus, I would choose to make something interesting.

So far all of the technically interesting work has been cut due to capacity. There in lies the problem. You see, I like to solve puzzles.

I need something interesting to do. Something to hold my attention and keep my mind turning. I’ve had about two days worth of interesting work in the last three months.

Does anyone out there have something interesting for me to do? Gears of War 3? HALO 4? Google? I need something like that. Something fun. Something I myself would play or do.

It might be time to dust off the resume again…

There is no such thing as free time. At least not for me.

Work is a use case for insanity these days. My team is slowly ramping up to five people. I can’t remember the last time it was bigger than two; and that’s including me. Plus it has been about five years since I’ve been a true lead. So I’m still readjusting.

I had forgotten how many more meetings you have to go to as a lead as well. It’s just crazy! You simply can’t be productive if you’re not at your desk.

Due to all of this I’ve been much more stressed than I have been since the old HB days. I need to rediscover the secret to pushing work out of my mind when I walk out of the office.

The scope of this year’s project is unparalleled to anything I have ever done in the past and is simply too daunting to be pushed aside. When something begins to blot out the sun; it’s hard not to focus on it.

I can still remember when making video games for a living was fun. I miss that feeling. When it was us against the world! Now it feels more like me against bureaucracy.

They are searching every one going both ways across the border. Good start to the weekend?