Hidden Pugmarks

I was sitting on the SkyTrain today just minding my own business. I was blocking out the world and listening to some Snow Patrol. I was taking in the breathtaking view of the mountains in the first day of sun in I don’t know how long.

As I was sitting there minding my own business an old man sat down infront of me. He had a handful of propaganda. Religous paraphanelia. Whatever you like to call it. This isn’t exactly out of the ordinary. People outside my SkyTrain stop are standing there pushing boxes of bibles at people at least once a month.

This man looked down his nose at me as he sat down. His eyes had that righteous fire that you seen in people who greatly believe in their faith with a bit of fanaticism. He turned and offered his literature to an old couple sitting across the aisle. They declined.

He turned back to me with those same eyes. I am not normally one to push my beliefs on any one. I respect and accept everyone’s beliefs, until they start to think that theirs are better than other people’s. Even then, I’m good right up to that point when they start to push their faith on me or other people. He started to hand me one of his pamphlets.

He locked his eyes on mine and I stared right back. Bit by bit his gaze lost it’s strength. There are points that I don’t yield on. There are points where I don’t back down. His initial look at me told me that he thought he was better than me. That he had his God behind him. That somehow I was weaker without his God behind me. There was that subtle glint in his eyes telling me that I was wrong.

I didn’t give an inch. I have my faith. I have my beliefs. They probably aren’t the same as yours, and surely they weren’t the same as his. I believe in people. The inherent good and decency of humanity. In family and friendship. Whether it was the strength of my own faith in my own beliefs, the strength of my disbelief in his faith, or him seeing something else deeper and hidden, I may never know (I have been called The Red Devil or Devil by more than one crazy homeless person in more than one city (I always blame it on my Calgary Flames jersey) ).

One stop later, unable to look at me, he got up and moved further down the train car.

I have this vivid memory from my childhood of running in the tall grass. It was in one of those out of bounds areas where you aren’t really supposed to go, but you end up there anyway. The surroundings in the memory are a bit hazy so I can’t place where or when it was, but the feeling of freedom and carelessness shines through to this day. I’m not even sure that it is a real memory, but it feels real.

I have always drifted through life with that same sense of wandering and adventure; freedom and carelessness. Growing up my family moved a lot. In a broader sense you could say that we wandered, sort of like Gypsies or Nomads. It made our family very close I think.

I used to believe that it would have been wonderful to stay in one place for my whole childhood. To grow up with a single group of friends. From my current perpsepctive though I wouldn’t have traded it for anything. I learned a lot of things that many people never have a chance to learn until much later in life. I got to see places that some people will never get to see. A lot of those places that we learned about in school weren’t just vague ideas, they were places I had been.

Since graduating high school my geographical wandering has continued. Each place holds a little magic and more than a few great memories.

Nova Scotia was filled with professional development. I learned a lot about programming and helped forge a few other great programmers in my time there.

Montreal was filled with personal growth. I learned more about who I was and started to enjoy life again away from the strict regime I had worked under for four years before. I was reunited with old friends. I found my happiness again.

Vancouver has been filled with more personal growth. Moving beyond happiness and in to love. I met my wife-to-be here. I also found a degree of happiness in work that I didn’t know was possible.

Although for the last little while I’ve felt the Gypsy blood starting to burn inside of me again. Not driven by a need to change locations or anything like that, but more by a feeling that it might be time to search for new employment.

Every job that I’ve ever had has been sort of a Caesarean conquest. Veni, vidi, vici. The problem is that after the vici part of it all, as I’m sure Caesar himself would attest to, boredom creeps in unless there are more challenges to face. Possibly a better take on the old Caesarean phrase for my case would be veni, vidi, codi.

Once a certain level of comfort sets in you are no longer learning. This is when, for me at least, it starts to get boring. I lose interest in the day to day tasks. I need to be challenged and pushed. When I was in Nova Scotia and this problem set in it wasn’t so bad because I took over the programming team and thoroughly enjoyed molding the new recruits into better programmers. I enjoy the role of teaching.

I was born and raised as a knowledge junkie. I used to watch Nova and National Geographic on PBS like most people watch Survivor. You’re there evey week, eagerly anticipating what is revealed next. I used to read encylopedias and dictionaries for fun. I still tend to prefer shows that teach me things and have a fascination with nearly all books that are educational.

The only real difference with how I acquire knowledge now is that the majority of it comes from the internet. I read wikipedia when I’m bored and when I’m not. When I find something truly interesting I find as many sources as I can to put together a better picture of it all and ensure that the facts match.

Today has been one of those strange and thoughtful days. One of those times where everything is evaluated and re-evaluated. There are lots of places out here where I could work. Lots of interesting prospects. Perhaps it is time to return to my PC roots? I do miss making games for the computer as opposed to the consoles.

Then again, maybe this will just blow over in a day or two as these thoughts have a tendency to do. Maybe something will happen to challenge me at work; to take the focus of my attention and effort.

So today is the 8th of January, 2007. After a dinner with Holly’s parents last night it is finally allowed to be common knowledge extending beyond family. Holly is my fiancé, and I am hers. We got engaged on the first day of this promising year

We are tentatively looking at a wedding date for September 2008. Some might think that this very long engagement is a sign of there being a lack of faith in our relationship or in our comittment to eachother. That however would be about as far from the truth as they could get.

Put simply, we would get married today if we could. Financially though, we just can’t afford the wedding this year. We have already planned out how to spend most of the money we will make this year. We’re moving in together this year. Before that happens though we are making some changes to her condo. We are reflooring, repainting, and doing a little refurnishing most likely as well. I am also most likely going to finally get myself a vehicle. On top of that some of our most important guests at the wedding have to travel 6000+ kms and we want to give them some time to ensure that they can afford the trip and make it on their own terms.

Coupled with all of the above is that I still don’t know of many areas around here where I would want to have the wedding. So we are going to spend the Spring and Summer checking out the various parks and little out of the way places where we could have an outdoor wedding.

One of my best friends and his wife were engaged for three and a half years and it worked out great for them. He said that they felt married as soon as they got engaged and I feel the same way about Holly. I think that might be one of the secrets of success.

I’m so happy with Holly that words can’t really do the feeling justice