Hidden Pugmarks

Today it arrived! At long last, after trying to get it since Christmas, it finally arrived. I have my nice shiny new copy of Paper Wings by Cauterize. No longer will I have to undergo the torturne of the 128kbs encoding of the version I bought from iTunes.

Tonight when I get home it will be ripped in all of it's lossless audio glory and the songs will find their way back into heavy rotation on my playlists.

I had tried to get it at the music stores around Montreal. I had tried to buy it from eBay. I had tried to buy it from the sites their website said it was available from. I got very close a little over a month ago when it was available on a website, but by the time I got the cart checkout it was sold out. Then on a lark I was checking the same site from work a week ago and it was listed. So I hurried the hell up and ordered it.

I've been doing this whole thing recently where I take risks. Like recently when I tried an El Salvadorian restaurant and found that I really enjoyed Papusas and Plaintains aren't bad either.

Today I tried a Guayanese(sp?) restaurant. I ended up with a “chicken pumpkin pocket”. There was also a “goat pumpkin pocket” available, but hey, one risk at a time :p Overall it was pretty good. Inoffensive. It was exceptionally filling. I swear that there was a whole chicken and half a pumpkin stuffed in that pocket along with some other vegetables.

When a friend suggested the restaurant I was imagining a much smaller “pocket” in my mind. This thing was about 8 inches by 10 inches and 1.5-2 inches thick. I didn't manage to eat it all before it was time to get back to work.

Will I go back? It's uncertain at this point. I think knowing what to expect going into it I would consider it to be a really good meal. I had had my heart set on two eggs over easy, three strips of bacon, two slices of toast with strawberry jam, some pan fries, a coffe and an orange juice for lunch though. So my taste buds didn't exactly get what they had been anticipating.

Now, I just want to go home and smite me some trolls!

I've been feeling and behaving somewhat despondently lately. It's actually very reminiscent of how I was before I left my last job.

I always used to say that the most important thing was how you felt about your life outside of work, and I still agree with this. I also used to say that what you did for work, whether or not you were hapy there, didn't matter. I said this because it is a lesser part of your life.

I've come to believe differently. Work is the reason you get up out of bed five days a week, sometimes more. It has to be at the very least tolerable, and really, it should be better. You need to be able to convince yourself to get out of bed on those days. I, am not always able to do so.

I do believe that having a family would impact this. I may be wrong. However, I believe that with someone special or a few special people in your life that depended on you to get up and do your job and bring money home, that it would be easier.

Again, I could be completely wrong.

I was late for work this morning. I took a long lunch. I'll probably leave early.

Why was I late? It wasn't because I couldn't wake up or because I couldn't get out of bed. I was up before 8:00am. I showed up for work around 10:15am. It only takes 45 minutes to get to work. I just couldn't convince myself that it would be worth my time to go. So, I sat at my computer for a while, put together a new resume, updated my portfolio, and applied for a new job.

It's really kind of strange. I've had four different job offers since starting at work here. I've turned them all down. They were all in different places. I really like Montreal. I am looking forward to the summer filled with all of the festivals and live music and fireworks and well, just flat out fun. It's a really good place to be at this point in my life.

Unfortunately, there are not a lot of opportunities for an english speaking programmer in Montreal. As such, I may end up heading west. Either way, I think things are going to change. I need changes.

When I couldn't sleep last night and I was just sitting in my living room in the dark staring off into space and thinking realized that I'm not the same person who moved to Montreal. I need to find that person again. That guy that was willing to take a risk. That guy that was willing to throw everything to the wind and see what change could bring him.

Overall moving has been a positive experience. I've met some cool and interesting people. I've found some flashes of love and relationship. Not the long lasting, life changing, relationship I've been looking for; but one step at a time.

Thanks for the constant cheeriness Meghan

My lunch had spinach in it today. It looked so strange. It tasted so weird. So absolutely wrong. It sends shivers down my spine. I feel queasy every time I think about it.

Spinach FTL (For The Loss) not (Faster Than Light)