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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everybody! Have fun and stay safe!

You're Christmas/Birthday present is going to be late Ilona. Amazon.com wouldn't let me send what I wanted to as a gift to you so I'm doing something else. Unfortunately I won't have time to get it together until I get back in early January.

Woo! No work today and I'm going home for Christmas! Can it get any better than that? Well, maybe if I buy one of those Christmas Santa hats it would be better, yeah, that would be better! Time to go buy one

2005 is almost done and gone. I'll do retrospective on the year later on; maybe early next year.

So, it's 4:42am. I just got home from the Ubisoft Christmas party. I'm thankful that the doorman was on a break when I got home. I wouldn't want to have tripped all over the place infront of him. It would have been bad.

However. On the plus side. The cabbie who got me home got the tip of his life. I gave him a 27 dollar tip for getting me home safe. I'm so hammered right now it isn't even funny. I drank so much vodka, and then when the bar ran out I drank so much beer. I can't even put numbers to it.

All I can really remember is seeing a bunch of my friends and their girlfriends, and talking to some people from work. Just like every other party, I partied until I got thrown out.

There were five floors of dancing, sugar, food, naked dancing women, food and free alcohol. Needless to say I had a good time. Sure, the music sucked, but the friends were great.

I was even so drunk that I danced with reckless abandon for a few minutes on the dance floor. Then I sauntered, or more likely stagered almost passing out, my way over to this wonderful short haired blonde girl and told her that I thought she was the most beautiful girl at Ubisoft. I meant it then, I mean it now, and I always will. I finally found out Melanies's name, and she promised that she would remember mine. I don't think she will, but nonetheless, it was a good time.

As usual, I outlasted the crowd. I was among the last to leave. Trying to talk my way through the bouncers to the bar for one last drink. I vaguely remember giving some black guy 10 dollars not to beat up a friend of mine because he hit on the black guy's sister. I also vaguely remember getting home. Stopping at the bank and using the wheel chair access button to get in because I couldn't figure out where I was supposed to swipe my card.

Here I am now. Home. Safe. That's why the cabbie got the insane tip. He even stopped and said “Wait, you gave me…” when I interrupted and said “Yes. $40. You deserve it. Thanks for getting me home safe.” for a 13$ fare.

Will anyone remember anything monday morning? God, I don't know. I will always remember Melanie dancing, and the rest of the fun I had.

What a good time!

Rock on! Party on! It's time for me to collapse into a different world. Nighty night world and everyone it!!!

As I say good night, wondering why I'm drinking chocolate milk and when I'll throw it up, as well as contemplating how much I care about Meghan; I wish you all good night.

I closed my eyes and typed every word that came out. I guess that makes this stream-of-consciousness poetry.

catch me
I'm falling
touch me
I'm fading
feel me
before I disappear
make me
be solid again
save me
make me real
I don't know
how to change
I want to
I want to end these games
so touch me
before I fade away
maybe you'll save me
maybe I will fall anyway
at least
we will know
the way it all works
why the pain grows
there has to be
so much more
here for us
before the storm
I can't
keep on pretending
that I don't
love you
like the morning
and the rainbows
I can't
pretend that
I hate you
that I'm crying for her
when the salty tears
are falling from my eyes
like raindrops
falling form saddened skies
and they're falling for you
falling for us
for all of this
broken trust
I just
want to love you
to love you
to be loved by you
my heart
is open
and beating
and bloodfilled
my heart
is growing
it's strengthening
for the fall
that comes with fading
please touch me
I need to feel you
I need to feel me
instead of feeling this
I can't rest
no matter what I do
I can't stop the voices
no matter what I think
I just want
to crawl
right out
of my skin
and see what
is there
beating within
so touch me
I'm fading
I'm about to fall
I'm raining
my soul
my heart
all of me
every part
the emotions and feelings
the cosmic dealings
they are ending now
I can't seem to find
my way out
of this rat trap
of this horrible
place I'm at
I'm falling
I'm fading
I'm breaking
no, I'm broken
I don't know where
to go from here
I just want to feel
solid and real
like a wooden boy
that's been made to feel
and his painted tears
are falling for real
so help me
save me
is that too much to ask
am I really worth so little
when you mean
the world to me
every single thing
I taste your words
with every breath
and I feel your skin
in the kiss of the winter wind
as it brushes me
like a boy, not a man
I can only feel you
inside of me, outside of me
somewhere I cannot see
let's hop into the car
let's drive to where we are
like we used to do
when we loved wildly
in our youth
come on baby
come to me
I've always been here
and I always will be
I can't move on
when the best thing is behind me
I can't be strong
when you've given up on me
so touch me
before I fade away
feel me
make me real
change this clay to flesh
change this wood to bone
make me whole

I found this linked in a friends blog. Ode to the Nice Guys

Questing for the sacred soul. Seeking that one that matches so divinely. The broken pieces that fit with mine to form a wondrous thing. Slivers of hope and shards of heart stirred together with flecks of tears and shavings of dreams with zest of loyalty.

Where are you? Why aren't you here?

I remember when we met. It was back in '72. In the cosmic soup of time before life. It was by that diner on the corner of 22nd and Destiny Street. You know the place? With the rainbow of floating dreams and the pancakes that make you feel like you're eating clouds?

I still remember the way you smiled from so deep inside. We hit it off so wonderfully. We spent so much time together.

We were pre-life and we felt like gods. It got boring though. I guess almost everything always does. Late one fateful night we decided to go for it. Mortality. The chance to live and die and feel things in ways that we couldn't as we were.

We never saw each other again after that. We promised that we would find each other. They scheduled me for '79. I have no idea when you might have arrived.

I remember the face of your heart. I hope you remember the face of mine. I hope that when we cross paths that we aren't too jaded by life and let each other slip by like strangers on the street.

I've looked everywhere for you but I still haven't been able to find you. So I'm staying here for a while. Here in the chaotic human wave that is Montreal.

I'm here. Come and find me.